5

Mala, Lumpy, and Itchy from the Star Wars Holiday Special

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(We’re counting these three figures as one entry because such little effort that went into them.) While it may seem cruel to withhold Mala’s sweet Wookie luvin’ from Chewy, sculpting boobs on a Chewbacca figure and painting it light brown does not a-female-Wookie-make.

Itchy is an even more embarrassing use of a Chewbacca base figure with what appears to be white-out dabbed on his head. Finally, the figure that seems to have required the most work is Lumpy as he is an entirely new sculpt.

And for a minute, this Lumpy prototype might even make you think it was cool for Chewy to have a son who could tag along with him on adventures…But then you’d think better of it and realize two things; kids in Star Wars suck…

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“Get ‘em, dad!”

…and underneath his sculpted fur, Lumpy is just a dopey looking Fisher Price Adventure People “Safari Son.”

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“The last time I saw my parents, they were petting a lion.”

4

AT-IC (All Terrain Ion Cannon)

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Finally!! A portable ion canon that disables the enemy’s electronics in the middle of battle! What could possibly be more exciting for kids?! But the bigger question is, how does it prevent its own electronics from being disabled when it fires? It must be all that “advanced Imperial technology” that those bug-guys developed in their spare time while designing the Death Star.

But seriously, this prototype was made near the end of the line by Kenner designers who were hoping to extend the life of the line when there were no plans for another Star Wars film after Return of the Jedi. Somehow we don’t think chopping the back off the AT-AT your little brother got for Christmas five years ago, painting it brown, and sticking the cannon from the Death Star in its butt had a chance of extending anything.

3

SRV-1

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We’re not big fans of non-movie, “fantasy vehicles” in Star Wars, when there are so many in-movie vehicles yet to be made. While the designer may have gained his/her inspiration from having seen a Landram in an episode of Battlestar Galactica, this SRV (Super Recreational Vehicle?) would have been a mid-range vehicle taking up a higher level price-point in the Empire line up.

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“Hey you Big Head Han Solos, watch out for Wampas back there, will ya?”

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So the idea was that this vehicle could not only transport troops but could also tow damaged Snowspeeders back to base…which would be great if the Snowspeeder wasn’t too big for the back of the SRV-1.

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While we can understand the “play value” of such a toy, we’re just not interested in a space tow-truck. We also can’t help but wonder if they recycled part of this design concept many years later when Hasbro made Destro’s Dominator seen below. Thankfully, they wised-up by then and turned the tow-truck part into a helicopter.

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2

Yarna d’al’ Gargan

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We want to apologize. We know there are some things that can’t be “unseen” like Yarna’s saggy skirtless backside. But maybe seeing it will help us all sympathize with the poor guy who had to actually sculpt it. While we must admit that we own the modern Legacy Collection Yarna as adults, we can’t imagine finding her under the Christmas tree as kids. “Did Santa run out of Gamorean Guards?”  

1

Chewbacca Cookie Jar

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Yes, this isn’t a toy, but this Chewbacca cookie jar prototype earns the #1 spot because it is the worst Chewbacca face sculpt we’ve ever seen. We’ve titled this piece of art; “Chewy on the Potty After Eating Too Many Extra-Spicy Wamp Rat Wings At The Cantina.” I mean, the sculpt of the five dollar Chewbacca shampoo bottle is better!

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We’ve never seen Chewbacca with an expression even close to this one in any media so it seems that this was a specific artistic choice made by the sculptor which begs the question; Why? Why did you do this Mr. prototype cookie jar sculptor? Thank The Maker that this product never saw the light of day.

Special thanks and credit for many of the photos goes to The Star Wars Collector’s Archive. It is an amazing resource for Star Wars collectors.